By A.M. Glass
Copyright: Jan. 31st, 2000.
Revised: March 3rd 2007.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.
Ratings: (USA) M/MA | (UK) 15 | (AUS) MA15+
Spoilers: Brief mentions of the following episodes: “The Wish”, “Dopplegangland” and “Hush”.
Author’s Note: This is a angst filled story, at least towards the end.
Second Author’s Note: February 5th, 2005. I decided when I started re–doing the site that I would break this story into individual chapters, as I did when I first started posting this on the Willow/Tara mail group. This story did not start as a series, so some of the parts are longer than others. It was a one– shot deal that turned into what you’re about to read. As before, there are two endings. You’ll decide what happens.
Third Author’s Note: March 3rd, 2007. I was looking over the story and I made some changes along the way. Some of them are small, while others are quite big. The story as it was originally posted will still be available Here. You may wish to take a look at it and see where things have changed, or maybe not. It’s up to you.
Why is it that life always decides to take an unexpected turn when you’re not expecting it? When you can’t prepare yourself in advance for what might come. When Fate tosses a monkey wrench into the fray called: My life.
I wasn’t looking for anyone. I had begun to move on from Oz. So, looking for someone else wasn’t exactly a top priority.
I was happy… okay, maybe not at first, but I wasn’t all “mopey–girl.” Okay maybe I was.
But after a while I settled into the “single–girl” status part of my life.
So, color me surprised at what happened that night.
I thought the feeling that passed through Tara’s hand into mine was from the transference of power. The joining of both our abilities you might say.
I didn’t give it too much thought… not really.
So, we held each other’s hands a bit longer than was needed. It’s not as if I hadn’t held a girls’ hand before.
I had… earlier in fact.
Buffy’s hand to be precise and in the middle of the street.
It was a show of support more than anything else, plus the fact that we couldn’t talk made hand holding a bit of a necessity.
Plus it made me feel safer.
Why then, was I constantly thinking of when I held Tara’s hand after everything was over and done with?
Besides the fact they’re nice and very soft and make me wonder things I’ve never thought about before.
Such as: how would they feel if she touched me? Would I quiver with desire?
I don’t know.
There’s something about her, something I can’t quite place my finger on. She does remind me of myself a few short years ago: quite, kinda shy, bright and unassuming. So, that might also sound a little like Oz, nobody’s perfect.
She’s a dichotomy — one minute she shy, the next; when she’s practicing spells, her nervousness disappears and she has the ability to take my breath away with a mere glance, she’s a goddess.
And her lips…
Not too long ago, we kissed for the first time.
We were sitting next to each other, when Tara turned to face me. We had been discussing the complexities of a spell I wanted to attempt and the moment was just there. It seemed like the most natural thing to do, and we did.
It was nice.
Sweet even.
But that didn’t stop me from backing off as soon as I realized what was happening. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it.
I did.
I simply wasn’t ready for it.
Wasn’t ready for the euphoria her kiss made me feel and being the woman she is, she never said anything about it and continued with the lesson.
All I could do was think about the comment I had made to Buffy when speaking of my vampire–double.
The infamous: “I think I’m kinda gay” comment. Buffy of course brushed it off. Angel started saying something to the contrary, when he suddenly changed his mind and I never thought about it again, until that night.
The night the Gentlemen came and changed my life: In the laundry room of all places. It all came rushing back to me, as we held hands.
But does that make me gay?
“Does it really bother you?” Tara asked, having read what Willow had written in her journal at the other girl’s insistence.
“Um… I don’t know,” Willow answered as she turned around. “It’s different… for me.”
“It is,” Tara agreed. “But it doesn’t make it bad. You–you shouldn’t feel bad about it.”
“No. I’m not saying it’s bad…”
“Go on,” Tara prompted wrapping her arms around her.
“What will my friends think?” she asked softly.
“If they lov–love you as much as you say they do. They should be happy that you’ve found som–someone,” Tara replied, kissing Willow on the forehead, prior to resting hers against it.
“Would you mind if I didn’t tell them right away?”
Willow heard a heavy sigh.
“I could say, ‘I guess not’. But then I would–wouldn’t be telling you the truth,” she said.
“I’m sorry.”
“Willow, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. Wh–when you’re ready, you’ll let them know,” Tara told her.
Willow wrapped her arms around Tara and squeezed lightly. “Thanks. Now that that’s done, what do you want to do?” Willow asked.
“Well, I thought I–I might do this,” Tara said, before covering Willow’s lips with hers.
“I like that,” Willow said, after they broke the kiss.
“Funny, so do I.”
“Do you want to practice?” Willow asked.
“Kissing, sure,” Tara replied with a smile.
“You don’t need any practice for that,” Willow replied.
“Why thank you,” Tara said, kissing Willow once more.
“Um… nope. I think you’ve got it down pat.”
Buffy stood outside the door to the dorm room, wondering if she should leave or not. The ache in her chest took her by surprise and she wasn’t sure about the feelings she experienced when she heard Willow and Tara private conversation through the door.
Let alone when they weren’t.
“I think I might ne–need a little more hands–on experience,” Tara said, taking her by the hand and leading her towards the bed.
‘Oh God,’ Buffy thought when she heard Tara’s remark.
“I don’t know about that,” Willow replied. “You’ve had enough hands–on experience for today.”
“A hug, that’s all.”
“A nice long hug.”
“Okay. But, another kiss or two?”
“I’ll check my schedule,” Willow replied laughing.
Buffy hadn’t heard Willow laugh in a long time. Shaking her head, she walked down the hall, and out of the dorm. “You’d better take care of her Tara,” Buffy muttered to herself, wondering when the ache would stop.