Copyright: Jan. 31st, 2000

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.

Rating: PG-13/R

Spoilers: Brief mentions of the following episodes: “The Wish”, “Dopplegangland” and “Hush”.

Author’s Note: This is a slightly? angst filled story, at least towards the end.

Second Author’s Note: May 25th, 2002. As you see above, I had written that is a “slightly? angst filled story... etc.” Who am I trying to kid? It’s not “slightly angst filled” ... it’s almost completely filled with angst in one form or another. Hence, the second note.

Third Author’s Note: February 5, 2005. I decided when I started re-doing the site that I would break this story into individual chapters, as I did when I first started posting this on the Willow/Tara mail group. This story did not start as a series, so some of the parts are longer than others. It was a one – shot deal that turned into what you’re about to read. As before, there are two endings. You’ll decide what happens.

Chapter 1 : Heart Ache

Why is it, all of a sudden, life decides to take one of its more unexpected turns?

I’m happy.

All right, not happy but, settled in my life.

That’s when fate decided to throw a monkey wrench into the fray. I wasn’t looking for anyone. I had just really begun to move on from Oz. So, looking for someone else was not exactly a priority at the moment. If it hadn’t been for the Gentlemen who knew what would have happened.

I thought the feeling that passed through Tara’s hand into mine was from the transference of power. The joining you might say, of both our abilities. So, we held each other’s hands a bit longer than was needed. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t held a girls’ hand before.

I had in fact.

I had held Buffy’s earlier.

In the middle of the street.

It was a show of support, more than anything else, plus the fact that we couldn’t speak.

Why then, am I constantly thinking of Tara?

There’s something about her, something I can’t quite place my finger on. She wasn’t like anyone else I’ve ever met.

I can see myself in Tara’s shoes, a few short years ago.

If it hadn’t been for Buffy, I’d still be the sheltered computer geek who carried a torch for my best friend.

That is of course if I still lived. I knew what could have happened if Buffy hadn’t arrived in Sunnydale when she did.

Xander and I would have been vampires.

Eww. But, back to Tara.

She’s quite, kinda shy, but powerful, even though she doesn’t think so.

So, that might sound a little like Oz, nobody’s perfect.

She has really nice hands as well.

They’re very soft.

And her lips, well... I’ll just keep that to myself for now.

The first time we kissed, I didn’t even realize it, until we broke apart. One minute we were casting a spell, that went a little awry, the next, smoochies.

We were sitting next to each other, when Tara turned to face me.

It was just there.

It seemed like the most natural thing to do, and we did.

It was nice.

Sweet even.

But that didn’t stop me from breaking it off as soon as I realized what was happening.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like it.

I did.

I just wasn’t ready for it.

I started thinking about the comment I had made to Buffy when speaking of my vampire-self.

The infamous: ‘I think I’m kinda gay’ comment.

Of course Buffy brushed it off. Angel started to say something to the contrary, when he suddenly changed his mind.

I never thought about it again, until that night. Tara and I were trapped, in the laundry room of all places.

And it came rushing back to me, as we held hands. We’ve kissed since then.

But does that make me gay?

“Don’t think about it so much,” she heard Tara say over her shoulder, reading what Willow had written in her journal. Leaning back, Willow relaxed into the arms that wrapped themselves around her.

“Does it really bother you?”

“Um... I don’t know,” she answered, turning around so that she could face the other girl. “It’s different... for me”

“It is,” Tara agreed. “But that doesn’t make it bad.”

“No. I’m not saying it’s bad...”

“Go on,” Tara prompted.

“What will my friends think?”

“If they love you as much as you say they do. They should be happy that you’ve found someone,” Tara replied, kissing Willow on the forehead, prior to resting hers against it.

“Would you mind if I didn’t tell them right away?” Willow heard a heavy sigh.

“I could say, ‘I guess not’. But then I wouldn’t be telling you the truth,” she said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Willow, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. When you’re ready, you’ll let them know,” Tara told her. Willow wrapped her arms around Tara and squeezed lightly.

“So, what do you want to do?” Willow asked.

“Well, I thought I might do this,” Tara said, before covering Willow’s lips with hers.

“I like that,” Willow said, after they broke the kiss.

“Funny, so do I.”

“Do you want to practice?” Willow asked.

“Kissing, sure,” Tara replied with a smile.

“You don’t need any practice for that,” Willow replied.

“Why thank you,” Tara said, kissing Willow once more.

“Um... nope. I think you’ve got it down pat.”

Buffy stood outside the door to the dorm room, wondering if she should stay or go. She wasn’t sure about the feelings she experienced when she heard Willow and Tara talking, let alone when they weren’t.

The ache in her chest took her by surprise. She knew she cared for Willow, it was impossible not too.

“I think I might need a little more hands-on experience,” Tara said, taking her by the hand and leading her towards the bed.

‘Oh God,’ Buffy thought when she heard Tara’s remark.

“I don’t know about that,” Willow replied. “You’ve had enough hands-on experience for today.”

“A hug, that’s all.”

“A nice long hug.”

“Okay. But, another kiss or two?”

“I’ll check my schedule,” Willow replied laughing.

Buffy hadn’t heard Willow laugh in a long time. Shaking her head, she walked down the hall, and out of the dormitory. “You’d better take care of her Tara,” Buffy muttered to herself, wondering when the ache would stop.

On to Another Heartache