Copyright: April 10, 2002

REVISED: April 12, 2002

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and can not be used without expressed permission first.

Author’s Notes: Angst, and lots of it. BTW, this is a short piece, something I wrote after trying during lunch to write ‘something’ and not coming up with anything. I did say that I if Stacey sent me MAJOR revisions I would re-post the story. WELL... here I am, re-posting. I hope this turns out better.

Spoilers: Although I don’t mention any episode in particular, it’s a given that this story takes place during the sixth season.

Thanks: To Stacey for beta-ing the story.

Special Thanks: To Shantel, for changing one line and making it sound better.

Finally, things seemed to be going my way.

Everything in my life seemed to be falling neatly into place.

And I… I was filled with happiness. Something I hadn’t experienced in a long time and never thought I ever would again.

It pains me to know that I don’t have anyone to share it with at least, not any more.

Granted, I thought I had someone, someone that would complete the part of me that was missing.

While it lasted, it was everything I could have ever asked for. And as I look around my room vaguely checking my surroundings, I utter the word-”Wished”-for.

I admit I had made wishes when I was younger; to find my true love, never believing that they would come true, everyone does at one time or another.

Even at the end, I wanted… NO, needed to give her that second, third, fourth chance.

Then I realized.

I couldn’t.

Not anymore and expect to survive intact.

It pained me more than I expected but less that I thought when I finally left.

Not a day goes by when I don’t doubt my decision. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

And with my history, that’s saying a lot.

I think back to all the things we went through.

I went over everything, trying, seeking the one thing that would tip the scales in her favor.

The good…

Every sweet moment that has etched itself in my heart…

And I wanted to stop there...

I didn’t want to look further.

Don’t do it… stop. There’s still a chance,’ I kept telling myself.

Yet, after much soul searching, I realized that the good times we shared wouldn’t be enough.

The scales were tipped-and no matter how much I wanted to stay...

I knew I couldn’t.

So, I tore my soul in half, leaving a gaping wound that may never heal.

I miss Willow...

So much.

Each time we meet in passing another dagger is driven into me.

And it hurts to feel that I may have failed her.

‘What-ifs’ abound in my mind.

‘What if I had done this, or what if I had stood up to her sooner.’

“What if, what if?” A silent litany, running on a continuous feedback loop.

I trusted our bond, put every bit of faith I had into trusting her with everything I am.

And she broke it.

Without looking back, no hesitation.

With utter deliberation.

She may not have thought about it in those terms at the time but, that’s what it was.

Deliberate.

I wasn’t sure then, as I’m not sure now, if I can ever forgive her.

I want to… Goddess how I want to.

It’s difficult not to forgive her.

Perhaps one day I can.

Perhaps I’ll actually feel my arms around her. The sensation of her body pressed close to mine.

The thought of being ‘home’ within her grasp...

Maybe tonight my dreams won’t be haunted by her and what we had?

Mm-maybe soon, my dreams will be filled with new memories of a love burning bright.

For a love that has a name:

Willow.

The End.