Copyright: March 23, 2000

Rating: ‘PG-13’

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” . No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and can not be used without expressed permission first.

Author's Note: This hasn't been beta read, so, any mistakes are mine and mine alone. I don't even have Microsoft Word '97 for this one... bad motherboard, long story. I have to thank a friend of mine who told me the story of her first kiss. I incorporated one thing, and I'll let you know at the end of the story.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can’t think.”

“Is there something I can help with?”

“No, but thanks for asking. I’ll figure it out.”

“So... how,” Tara paused, “Maybe I should leave.”

“No... don’t. I’m sorry, I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me. I... I think I’m missing out of something, but I don’t know what. I... mean, I love school, no doubts about that. I have great friends... old and new,” she said smiling at the other girl. “But something’s missing.”

“That’s tough.”

“Ya, tell me about it.”

“May... maybe you just miss someone?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve noticed... not that I’m checking or anything,” Tara said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ve noticed that you’re eating a lot of chocolate lately.”

“Yeah...” Willow replied before the implication set in. “Oh no. That can’t be the reason.”

“It’s just a thought.”

“It has to be something else... anything else.”

“Okay, maybe it’s something else, but then again...”

“I’m not substituting chocolate for the feeling of being in love,” Willow told Tara.

“Like I said, it’s just a thought.”

“I’m... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped all over you. You’re only trying to help,” Willow said, hugging the other girl.

“Um... so, do you wanna practice or something?”

“Yeah, lets. Maybe it’ll help.” “Okay.”

They left Willow’s room and headed towards Tara’s dorm.

“Well, I guess we’d better call it a night,” Willow said, as they cleaned up.

“I’ll... is... is it okay if I called you tomorrow?”

“Of course it is Tara. I’ll see you later.”

“You’ll... you’ll be careful?” she asked.

“I’ll do my best,” Willow replied, walking to the door.

“Night Willow.”

“Good night Tara.”

As she walked across campus, Willow thought about the conversation she had had with Tara. Of course she wasn’t missing anyone in her life. She had her friends.

‘But who else?’ she pondered.

There really hadn’t been anyone else, not since Oz. And she wasn’t sure if she wanted to open her heart enough to allow someone else in. She had gone down that road before, and despite the conclusion, she admitted having Oz in her life changed so many things for her.

But had she moved on? Had she had enough time to finally heal? Was there someone out there waiting for her?

‘Oh, please,’ she told herself as her dorm came into view.

Tara sighed heavily, perhaps she had pushed a little too much earlier. Especially with the comment about chocolate.

She wasn’t sure if she should tell Willow, tell her how she felt about her.

She had never felt such a affinity for someone before, it was as if she had been walking around in a daze until she had met Willow. And a veil had been lifted from her eyes.

It was one thing to be in love...

And it was still quite another to have that person love you in return.

She did know, if she ever had an opportunity to have one wish, what it would be.

That her first time... with *anyone* would be with Willow. She wasn’t blind, she knew what would be involved in a physical relationship, and that thought alone made her blush. But, it was only a wish, she knew that Willow had had a boyfriend. Someone she cared for very much, and that she possibly wasn’t ready... despite the chocolate eating habits she had picked up.

So, Tara hoarded her thoughts, her wishes, her dreams and saved them for a time when Willow finally found someone, and that person would take her away. Then those would be the only thing she’d have to hold on to, something purely hers.

“Hiya Will, what’s goin’ on?” Buffy asked when Willow had entered their room.

“Umm, oh.. hi Buffy. Nothing much,” she answered distractedly.

“Okay what gives?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are doing some heavy duty thinking. And if it’s not about Slayer stuff, school... or... or Oz, it must be something big.”

“Oh, I’m just thinking about something Tara and I were discussing earlier,” Willow replied.

“Okay spill,” Buffy said.

“It’s... it’s not that important.”

“Come on Will. We haven’t talked much lately.”

Taking a deep breath, Willow began, “Okay, Tara thinks that I’m substituting chocolate for being in love. Not that I’m looking for anyone in the first place. And I don’t see why my having chocolate binges would do with not being in love. I mean, so I have a piece now and then, that doesn’t mean I’m lonely, does it?” she asked Buffy who listened quietly.

“Ah... chocolate. I remember it well.”

“Huh?”

“Will, it’s normal to feel needy... for someone I mean. Well, even I know about chocolate and love being linked together. Why do you think they sell so much of it during Valentine’s day?”

“But...”

“No buts, your body is telling you it’s time to move on. And I think you should.”

“Really?”

“Yup. In fact, why don’t we go to the Bronze on Friday night. Just the two of us, see if we can’t scope out any hotties for you. Wadda say?”

“Friday?” Willow said as she thought about it. “Oh... I can’t, Tara and I are going over a spell that’s been giving us some problems.”

“Come on Will. I’m sure Tara wouldn’t mind,” Buffy urged.

“Oh... okay. I guess we could get together on Saturday night instead.”

“That’s the ticket,” Buffy replied, as she noticed the time. “Oh man, I’m so late. I told Riley I’d meet him,” she said grabbing her coat. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, say hi to him for me.”

“Consider it said.”

As soon as Buffy left, Willow walked over to the phone and dialed Tara’s number.

“Hello? Oh, hi Willow. Yeah, I remember. Oh... oh. No, of course not. No really, you two have fun, I’ll see you tomorrow, bye Willow.”

Tara hoped; although she doubted it, that she had been able to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

The Bronze was packed. It usually was on Fridays. Willow and Buffy looked around the crowded club and spotting an empty table they made their way to it. A band neither recognized played in the background, making it hard to think, let alone talk.

“Wow! It’s busier than I remember!” Buffy shouted over the music as they sat down.

“Yeah!” Willow replied looking around at what used to be the place she would visit to be with Oz. People she didn’t recognize were playing pool and the dance floor was packed.

“Will!”

“Huh?” Willow replied looking in Buffy’s direction.

“I wanted to know if you wanted something to drink.”

Willow could read the word drink, she shook her head no.

“I’ll be right back,” Buffy said, before weaving her way through the multitude of bodies.

Willow wondered if this had been a good idea after all. Her eyes took in the sights...

Her breath caught in her throat.

“Oz?” she whispered, getting up from her seat, as she thought she had seen her ex-boyfriend near the stage. He turned around, her shoulders slumped.

It wasn’t him.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, but she was here and she might as well make the best of it.

“Hey Will. I want to introduce you to someone,” Buffy said as she returned to the table, a young man in tow. “This is Shane. Shane this is Willow.”

“Hello Willow,” he said extending his hand.

“Hello Shane,” Willow replied as she shook his hand. She had to admit, he was handsome.

“Buffy tells me you’re both freshmen at UC Sunnydale,” he said standing by the table as Buffy sat back down. Willow nodded. “I’m a junior there myself.”

“Really, what’s your major?” Willow asked.

“Hello? Oh, hi Tara. No, she isn’t here, I think she’s meeting Shane for dinner. Yeah, I didn’t think they’d hit off this fast. Do you want me to tell her you called? Are you sure? Okay, take care Tara, bye.”

“Bye Buffy,” Tara said into the receiver as she hung up. ‘Bye Willow,’ she thought silently.

Willow had called on the Saturday after she and Buffy had gone to the Bronze to break their plans for that evening. She explained that she had been invited by someone by the name of Shane Carter for dinner. Tara had to concede that Willow sounded excited over the telephone.

Tara was of course crushed. She always knew that sooner or later something like this would happen, and why not. Willow was... is a wonderful person. She just didn’t think it would happen so soon. She hardly saw Willow over the past three weeks and it got to the point that she began to feel guilty if she called her and asked if they were going to get together.

There was a part of her that was happy for Willow, but it wasn’t long lasting. Soon she started to resent Shane, with him around, she no longer had access to Willow’s time as she used to. But, as soon as she thought those things, she’d feel guilty all over again. Of course there were moments that they did spend time together, and those were bittersweet for her.

She realized that she wasn’t the one who had put a smile on Willow’s face, it was Shane. She had met him once when he came to Willow’s dorm room to pick her up. He seemed nice enough, but Tara knew she’d always resent him.

Resent the way he could greet Willow with a kiss on the cheek.

Hold her hand whenever he wanted to.

Do everything she longed to do.

‘Well, just because she’s not here doesn’t mean I’m not going to practice,’ she told herself as she set things up for the spell that had been causing them nothing but grief. Taking a few breaths, she cleared her mind of all negative thoughts and began to concentrate.

“Will, what are you doing here?” Buffy asked as she hung up with Tara.

“I... I um, I decided not to see Shane anymore,” she replied as she walked over to her desk and sat down.

“Did he do something?” Buffy asked, ready to pound him into mincemeat had he done anything to Willow. No one messes with her friends.

“No... nothing like that.”

“Then what gives? I thought things were, you know, solid with you two.”

“So did I.”

“But?”

“But... there’s no... connection.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Willow began as she looked up into the face of her dorm mate. “I don’t feel anything when we’re alone, you know.”

“How alone are we talking Will?”

“Not that alone, just... kissing.”

“And nothing?” Buffy asked, watching as her friend shook her head slowly. “Wow, I never would have thought. Guess I shouldn’t have said anything to Tara earlier.”

“What... what about Tara?” Willow asked. She felt her body react when Buffy mentioned the other girls’ name.

“She called right before you came in. She asked for you and I told her I thought you were meeting Shane for dinner.”

“How did she sound?”

“Okay I guess. Maybe a little distracted, why?”

“I... I haven’t seen her as much as I used to, not since I started going out with Shane.”

“Will, that’s not like you. Me maybe, but not you,” Buffy answered honestly.

“I know, maybe I’ll drop by. Try to make it up to her, you know, for being such a rotten friend.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Buffy said, putting her hand on Willow’s shoulder. “No better time than the present.”

“You’re right, thanks Buffy.”

“What am here for if not to offer advice, as well as keen fashion sense,” Buffy replied laughing. “Now, go on, but don’t stay out to late, you know how you two get once you start something.”

“I’d better go then, bye.”

“See you later Will.”

Tara could hear her name being called, although it seemed far away. She didn’t feel like herself, a heavy pressure was on her chest making it difficult for her to breathe. She wanted to answer, to say something, anything, but she could only concentrate on breathing.

‘That sounds like Willow,’ she thought briefly. ‘In.... out. In... out... in... out.’

Willow tried not to rush, as she headed towards Tara’s dorm. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed Tara the past three weeks... at least not until tonight. Shane had told her that he thought they shouldn’t go out until she knew who or what she wanted.

She hadn’t really lied to Buffy, she just didn’t volunteer the entire truth. She picked up her soon as the dorm came into sight. She honestly hoped that Tara would understand.

She couldn’t believe how nervous she felt as she stood in front of Tara’s door. She wiped her hands on her skirt before knocking on the door.

‘In... out... in... out.’

“Tara, are you there,” Willow asked when no one came to the door.

She knocked once more, she really hoped to catch Tara, but it looks as if the other girl had gone somewhere. And who was she to expect Tara to be sitting and waiting for her to finally make an appearance.

‘In... out... in...’ “Willow.”

Willow thought she heard something just as she was about to leave.

“Tara?”

“Willow.”

Reaching for the door knob, Willow found it locked.

“Tara... open the door,” she said.

Tara could clearly hear Willow’s voice, she wanted nothing else than to be able to open the door for her. Instead she was lying in the middle of the room. As soon as she began the incantation, she knew she should have stopped.

“Tara... open the door. You’re scaring me,” Willow said as she started to panic. Something was very wrong, she could feel it.

“Can’t”

“Are you hurt?” she asked as she placed her ear against the door.

“Will..”

Willow pressed her ear as firmly as she could, trying to hear what was on the other side.

Silence.

“Tara,” she whispered, “Please... don’t leave me.” Closing her eyes, Willow took a step back. She focused on the lock, in her minds’ eye she followed the maze that made up the tumblers. Reaching out, she put her hand over the lock. Had anyone seen her at that moment, they would have said that Willow glowed.

She could feel a heat traveling down her arm, rushing towards her fingers. Grabbing the door knob, she turned it softly.

It swung open.

Opening her eyes, she ran towards Tara.

“Tara... Tara, can you hear me?” Willow asked, trying to swallow the panic, and hold on.

“Will...”

“I’m here... I’m here,” she said, instinctively reaching for the other girl’s hand and without realizing it, kissing the back.”

Tara felt the pressure on her chest slowly begin to ease off, she could hear Willow’s voice even closer than before, and she said the only thing she had thought of, other than breathing.

“Will...”

She felt her hand being picked up, then something else that completely surprised her. She felt Willow’s lips on the back of her hand. She knew if she had the energy she would have smiled.

Willow looked on in wonder, as a smile appeared on Tara’s face.

“Tara... can you hear me? Are you okay?”

“Yes... don’t... know... yet,” she replied slowly.

“I should get some help,” Willow said.

“No. Don’t leave.”

“Tara, I’ll be right back, I promise...”

“Please... st... stay with... me.”

“All right, I won’t leave,” she replied, going against her first reaction and getting help for Tara.

Tara’s thought were of Willow. How glad she was that the other girl had come by when she did.

“Love you.”

Willow frowned, she wasn’t sure she had heard Tara correctly.

“Tara... did... did you say something?”

‘Oh... I didn’t say that out loud, did I?’ she thought. She couldn’t have put her private thoughts into words had she. Her eyes opened slowly, only to find that she was looking into Willow’s blue ones.

“Hey... you’re back!”

“Hi.”

“Don’t you ever do whatever it was that you did to me again. Do you understand?”

“I think so,” she answered.

“Hey, is she okay?”

Willow turned around to see a girl she didn’t recognize standing in the doorway.

“Oh.. um.. yeah. She’s fine... fainted... didn’t have anything to eat,” Willow said walking over to the door.

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, yeah... positive.”

“Do you need any help getting your girlfriend on the bed?”

“Nn... Nn... no. That’s... um... no,” Willow sputtered.

“If you’re sure,” the girl said before walking away.

Willow closed the door slowly. By the time she’d turned around, Tara had managed to raise herself up on one elbow.

“She... she thought you were my girlfriend,” Willow said as she walked back towards Tara.

“Does... does she?”

“Yeah. Can you get up?” Willow asked as she knelt down.

“I’m not sure,” Tara replied.

“Well, let’s try okay?” Tara nodded. “Here, put your arm around my shoulder.” Tara slowly moved her arm around Willow’s shoulder, feeling Willow’s hand grip hers. “Let’s get you sitting up first,” Willow suggested, as she gently moved Tara into a sitting position. “Okay... I’m... I’m going to wrap my arm around your waist, and... and then we’ll try to get you to your feet.”

Willow had to concentrate on what she was doing, she found that she was becoming distracted by being in such close proximity to Tara.

‘Oh great, I’m going to pass out,’ Tara thought as her heart began to pound in her chest. She never thought she’d ever get this close to Willow, granted they had hugged before, but the contact was so brief. Now she wasn’t sure she would remain conscience.

“Tara... are you okay?” Willow asked as she gazed into the other girls’ face.

“Oh.. yeah, great,” Tara muttered, gasping slightly when she noticed how close she was to Willow’s face. She memorized every facet, needing to commit it firmly in her mind.

Willow wondered what she had on her face, as Tara stared at her.

“Let’s go,” she whispered to Tara as they got her off the floor. “It’s just a few steps to your bed. Do you think you can make it?”

“With your help.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Willow replied smiling.

Taking the few steps, they both reached Tara’s bed without incident. Willow slowly let go of Tara’s waist and guided her movements until Tara was sitting down. Ducking her head, she released Tara’s arm, then sat down next to her.

“Well... that was an adventure,” Willow said.

“Thank you.”

Taking hold of Tara’s hand, Willow squeezed it gently, before looking into the other girl’s face.

“Tara... please don’t do this again,” she said looking down to see their linked hands. “I... I don’t know what I’d do... if... if something happened to you,” she concluded, looking back up. Now that the immediate crisis was over, the ramifications of what could have happened crashed over Willow’s body and she began to shake.

“Willow... are... are you okay?” Tara asked, concern coloring her voice.

“I... I should be asking you that, not the other way around,” Willow replied, her eyes brimming with tears.

“We’re... we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“I’d like to hope so.”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Tara asked confused.

“Shane.”

“Oh... Shane. How... how is he?”

“Fine, I’m... we aren’t seeing each other any more.”

“Really? Why? I... I thought,” Tara said trying to understand what Willow had just dropped on her. She wasn’t seeing Shane anymore, ‘Yes!’ she thought for a millisecond, then her thoughts were on how Willow was handling the situation.

“So did I, but...” she gazed into Tara’s face, searching for an answer. “But something was missing.”

“Missing?”

“Yeah, and I think I know what it was now.”

“What was it?” Tara replied, closing the slight gap between them without noticing it.

“Love.”

“Love?”

“I’m not in love with Shane. I don’t think I ever really was, I think I was overwhelmed, you know. Someone was actually paying attention to me, just me. Not because I’m Buffy’s friend, or... or anything else, just me. That sort of thing.”

“Oh,” Tara replied, all the while thinking, ‘I pay attention to you, not because you’re Buffy’s friend, or a part of the ‘Scooby gang’. I do because I love you. Why don’t you see it?’

Willow wondered briefly what Tara was thinking, whatever it was, she didn’t think it was a happy thought as she was frowning.

“Tara.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Um... no. I’ve really missed you. I... I didn’t realize how much until I came in and saw you on the floor,” she said, looking at the location in question. “I wasn’t sure if I had made it on time,” she whispered. “I started thinking about how much I enjoyed your company, how... how much I liked you. Tara,” she said looking at the other girl, who was hanging on to each word.

“Yes Willow.”

“Would... would you mind if I kissed you?”

“What!?” Tara asked, she couldn’t believe her ears.

“Could I kiss you?” Willow asked once again, raising her hand and caressing Tara’s face.

“Wh... why?”

‘At least she didn’t say no,’ Willow thought. “I... um, I need to. I want to... please,” she asked.

“Oh... okay.”

Willow moved slowly, her face mere inches away from Tara’s, she knew she had to do this. She knew as soon as she held Tara’s hand. Something had changed, in that second. Moistening her lips, she bridged the gap and placed her lips on Tara’s.

Tara couldn’t believe it, Willow, her Willow had asked to kiss her. Not Shane, her.

‘What do I do?’ she thought as she instinctively closed her eyes, as Willow came closer. Soon she felt Willow’s lips on hers. She couldn’t explain the sensations that coursed through her system. She heard herself moan slightly and wondered if that was normal.

Willow smiled inwardly, when she heard Tara moan. Not wanting to, but knowing she should, she broke the kiss.

Tara felt Willow begin to pull away and could not stop herself from following, trying to prolong the contact.

“Tara?”

“Yeah,” she answered, her eyes still closed, her lips, her entire body tingling.

“Do you remember when I said something was missing between Shane and myself?”

“Yes,” she replied opening her eyes.

“I don’t want you to worry about me hitting on you or anything, after I tell you...” Tara’s heart sank. “I... I... when we kissed..”

“Was I that bad?” she asked interrupting Willow, she had to know.

“Oh... no. Not at all, that’s the problem.”

“Problem? I don’t understand.”

“You see, when we kissed, I... I felt something. Something I didn’t feel when I kissed Shane.”

“Is that good?”

“It all depends. I... I’d like to kiss you again, but... but only if you wanted to. I won’t pressure you into anything you wouldn’t want. For all I know you might not have liked it. You did... didn’t you?” She had to find out, the moan may have been a fluke, and she had intimate knowledge of flukes.

“Willow... if you don’t kiss me again. I’ll... I’ll just have to kiss you myself,” Tara stated.

Willow smiled and leaned in and kissed Tara once again. The reaction she had, returned, the same tingling sensation bomb-barded her system. And giving into the moment, she ran her hand through Tara’s hair before letting it rest lightly on the back of her neck.

Tara shivered, when she felt Willow’s hand in her hair, she wanted nothing more in the world than to have the kiss continue.

Soon lips parted and permission granted and accepted.

“Wow,” Tara said gasping for breath, when they finally broke the kiss.

“Wow, is an understatement of major proportions.”

“I... I...”

“Me too.”

They were both reeling from the kiss.

“Are you okay?”

“Better than... you?” Tara asked.

“Great. I think I may want to get a handle on this kissing business, you know. Make sure I’m doing it right, if you didn’t mind?” Willow replied.

“Oh... no. Not at all. I think I need to practice myself,” Tara said smiling.

“Are... are we okay with this Tara? I... I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship over this if we’re not,” Willow asked seriously.

“Willow, I hope I don’t scare you off, but... I’ve dreamt of this for a long time and let me tell you. Reality beats fantasy any day of the week.”

“Really?”

Tara nodded her head.

“I hope I don’t disappoin...” Willow started to speak when Tara placed a finger over her lips.

“Never. Not in a million... a hundred million years.”

“You’re that sure?”

“Most definitely.”

“Well, who am I to argue.”

“You are Willow Rosenberg. My friend...,” Tara blushed as she spoke, “Kissing partner extraordinaire... girlfriend?” she wasn’t sure if she should have added the last part, but decided to let it go.

“You know, I kinda like that, ‘Kissing partner extraordinaire’,” she replied laughing. “Hey Tara.”

“Yes Will.”

“Do you know what would happen, if we became... girlfriends?”

“Yeah, not a lot of people would understand, they may even say some nasty things to us. Your friends might not...”

“Tara...no. That’s not what I meant exactly. I realize that could... most likely will happen, but that’s not what I meant.”

“What then?”

“Oh... I’m thinking... lots and lots more kissing, possibly... possibly some... touching?” she questioned.

“Touching?“

“You know... touching,” Willow explained as her face turned red.

“OH... touching. You’d... you’d have to... you know first.”

“Okay, I think I can handle that.”

“So... when... when would this touching happen?”

“I’m not sure really. I don’t think there’s a time limit, you know. Go out together a few times... kiss, then touch.”

“In other words, we...we could conceivably.... theoretically... do this...now?”

“Theoretically speaking... yes.”

Silence filled the room, Willow looked down as Tara picked up her hand and held it in hers, gently tracing a pattern on the back of it.

“I’m... I’m scared,” Tara whispered.

“So am I,” Willow replied honestly. Talking about it was one thing, doing it would move them past the point of mere friendship, and into the uncharted waters of a relationship. They had kissed, but that could be explained away, anything beyond that couldn’t.

“My heart is beating so fast,” Tara said raising Willow’s hand so that it rested over her thundering heart. Willow copied the gesture with Tara’s hand.

“We don’t have to do anything Tara. Not until we’re both sure.”

“Okay... Willow? Could... could I have another?”

Willow looked puzzled until it dawned on her what Tara wanted.

“Oh yeah,” she replied leaning in and kissing her once more.

The End.

Hi,

As I said, I would let you know what I incorporated from my friend’s story about her first kiss. Well, you just read it. The whole, “Could I have another..” and “Oh yeah.” It’s actually a cute story and she knows I’ve used that small part in the story. She actually laughed when I asked her after I had read it to her, if anything sounded familiar.

Thanks for your time.

A.M. Glass.