Copyright: April 8th, 2001

Revised Edition Copyright: April 9th, 2001.

Rating: ‘R’

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and can not be used without expressed permission first.

Author’s Note: “Write what you know.” There is NO sequel planned for this story.

Second Author’s Note: Although Willow and Tara are together, you must believe that up to a certain point in “Wild At Heart” Oz hadn’t slept with Veruca; I’m hoping I’ve spelt her name correctly, that he left to get his ‘inner-wolf’ under control. It’s rated ‘R’ for one word, towards the end of the story. I’m posting this revised edition of the story only after realizing that it reads SO much better now that I’ve had a chance to distance myself from it.

Angst Level: High. Perhaps even a tissue warning.

I sat down clutching the telephone tightly in my hand, when all I really wanted to do was throw the damn thing across the room. I wanted it to shatter into a million pieces, needed to vent the hurt I felt.

I knew that by accepting the grant that took me out of state, that it was the wrong thing to do. But Willow and I talked about it in great length, on how important it was to do this, and that it was after all, only a year.

I knew it was wrong, especially when I sensed something during one of our frequent telephone calls to each other. I didn’t know what it was until she mentioned a name I thought I’d never hear again.

Oz.

He had come back to Sunnydale.

And in my mind, he had come back for Willow.

It wasn’t what I thought she tried to explain to me over the telephone, but even her reassuring voice did little to assuage the sinking feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.

After all, here I was, twenty-five hundred miles , and he was there.

He was THERE.

I burned up the telephone lines every night, wanting to talk to her. When I didn’t find her at the apartment that she decided to move into when I got the research grant, I’d find her at Buffy’s or with Giles.

Of course, the others welcomed him back, not exactly with open arms, but with a slight trepidation, for he had been the cause of Willow’s pain.

I had begun to notice her distance on the phone whenever he was around. I had found out by trial and error that they had set up a date of sorts to do things with each other.

A ‘let’s get together’ night.

The night they decided on was Saturday…

Saturday nights.

I would call before Oz got there. We would talk about her day and how my research was going and I would always tell her to have a good time. And before hanging up the phone, I would always say, “I love you.”

I can’t even think the words now without tears burning my eyes.

I should have known…

Maybe I did and I just didn’t want to accept what was staring me in the face.

I didn’t want to think that he would find a way to get Willow back.

I didn’t want to acknowledge that the love we shared might not be as strong, or run as deep as I thought.

I believed that the vacation I had planned would chase away the doubts I had that Willow no longer loved me.

I was wrong.

I’ve never felt so miserable in my entire life.

Her feelings for me had changed, so much so that she could… would not let me get close to her, other that a few heated kisses.

Kisses that I initiated.

I remember holding on to her as we cried…

Cried, because she wasn’t sure of her feelings for me any longer.

Cried, for as sure as I knew my own name, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I would lose her.

The night we finally made love was bitter sweet.

It was as if this was her way of saying goodbye, without saying a word.

I couldn’t get enough of her those final few days. I wanted her so much, that nothing else mattered. I thought that if I showed her how much I cared for her…

How much she meant to me…

That she wouldn’t break my heart.

I saw Oz the day before I left. Willow and I were going to the Bronze, to meet Buffy and the others. They were throwing a ‘going away’ party for me.

“Hey,” he said with his characteristic nonchalance, as he stepped past the door and into the living room.

“Hh… hello Oz.” I could only manage to stutter. I hate my stutter more than anything in the world.

I couldn’t find it in myself to hate him.

He just loved the person I loved, and that showed me what wonderful taste he had.

“I hear the guys are throwing you a party?” he asked as he sat down.

“Ye… yes. We’re going to the Bronze. Would… are you going?” I asked.

“Naw, I just thought I’d catch South Park,” he answered.

“Oh… okay,” I said. “I’ll… I’ll just let Willow know you’re here.”

“Thanks.”

I turned around and walked into the bedroom, where Willow was putting on her make-up. I stared at her, taking the opportunity to gaze upon her as she carefully applied her lipstick.

She saw me in the mirror and smiled.

And for that brief moment, everything was all right.

She loved me as much as I loved her.

Until I said the words that sealed my fate, “Oz is here.”

I thought I had seen every smile on her face, but this one grabbed my heart and refused to let go.

This is love I thought momentarily.

“Really?” she asked.

I just nodded and watched as she left the room, leaving me with my heart in the pit of my stomach.

My heart said to fight for her.

‘Don’t let her go so easily… fuck the damn research grant and fight for her.’

I would do that…

I would fight for her.

I stepped out into the living room and saw Willow sitting on the armrest of the couch as she and Oz talked in hushed tones, smiling at one another. She looked up at me and smiled briefly.

“Are you ready to go?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Have a good time,” Oz said, grabbing the remote control and turning the television on.

We left the apartment and went directly to the Bronze. I don’t really remember what happened, only that everyone wished me a safe flight and a speedy return.

As soon as my flight touched down, I spoke with the head of the research project I was working on and explained that I would be leaving. I had already decided that I would pack my things and leave on the next flight.

Unfortunately I couldn’t.

Before I could leave I had to go over everything I had been working on, hand over my notes on the project, in affect, get everyone up to speed as to where I had left off.

That happened a month ago.

Once everything had been taken care of, I had decided to call Willow and let her know I was coming home.

That was when she hit me with her news.

Oz was moving into the spare room.

He needed a place to stay, and she offered.

“Well… this is turning out to be an eventful weekend, isn’t?” I managed to say.

“I… I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear right now,” Willow told me.

During our conversation I had been playing backgammon on the computer the facility had provided for me.

“I lost,” I said out loud, referring to the game.

“You didn’t lose me,” she whispered into the phone.

I knew differently.

“I better let you go then,” I told her wanting to get off the phone as quickly as I could. “I guess I won’t be calling as much,” I explained, “Now that he’s there.”

“I could go to my bedroom,” she offered.

“That’s okay. I’d… I’d better go,” I said, fighting to keep her from hearing the pain I was feeling. I couldn’t stop the tears and I didn’t want to.

“I love you,” she said, those few words piercing my heart.

“Bye,” I replied as I hung up the phone, wanting nothing more than to throw it across the room and watch it shatter into a million pieces.

The End.