CHAPTER 7
“Oh... Giles, I’m sorry, let me put these down,” Willow said as she placed the roses on the floorboard, when she looked back, she was staring into his face. She could smell the cologne he wore, it was spicy with a hint of musk, it suited him nicely she thought. Closing her eyes, she waited, it wasn’t long.
Rupert leaned in once more placing his lips on hers. He couldn’t believe how incredibly soft and warm they were. He felt his hand reach up and caress her face, wanting to memorize the contours of it. He would let Willow control the intensity of the kiss as he didn’t want to frighten the young woman.
Willow felt something stir inside of her, but wasn’t sure what it was. She wasn’t exactly frightened of it – it made her want to figure out what was causing the sensation. Whatever it was, she was determined to let it happen, wondering where it would lead her. Willow had only seen people kiss on television or in the movies – her parents – didn’t count, they were her parents and she never had the nerve to look whenever she came across it at school. It made her feel as if she were intruding on something private. Thinking back to the examples she had seen, Willow hesitantly parted her lips.
Giles couldn’t believe the sensations coursing through his body when he felt her tongue shyly explore his lips. He parted his as well, wondering what she would do.
‘Oh... Wow!’ she thought when she felt Giles doing the same thing. “Did I do something wrong?” she asked, when she felt the sudden departure of his lips on hers.
“No,” he replied, “It just that...”
“What?” she wanted to know what had brought the kiss to an abrupt end.
“You haven’t kissed many people have you Willow?” Looking down the young woman nodded her head. Alarmed that he might have offended her, Rupert quickly told her, “Willow, please look at me,” he waited until she faced him. “When you parted your lips, I thought you wanted me to do the same and when I did... well, nothing happened. I thought you might have changed your mind,” he explained.
“No... I really liked it. I liked it better than last night,” she answered quickly before looking down briefly. “I just don’t know what to do next. I mean I’ve seen movies,” she offered.
“Oh... Willow. I wish I had more time, but I really must get to Buffy,” he said.
“I understand. Buffy has to come first. She’s the Slayer and you’re the Watcher,” she replied.
“Yes and right now more than ever, do I wish it wasn’t true, but my duty to Buffy must come before anyone or anything else. That doesn’t mean my feelings for you aren’t important to me, you must believe that,” he said.
“I do. I guess you’d better drop me off before it gets any later. You don’t want to keep her waiting,” she said.
“Thank you Willow,” Giles said as he started the car once more and drove her home. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Giles asked after finally arriving in front of the Rosenberg residence.
“If I don’t see you sooner,” Willow replied, when they reached her front door.
“Goodnight, sleep well,” he said as he quickly placed a kiss on her cheek.
“You too, be careful,” she said, going inside, she leaned against the door after closing it. Sighing, she pushed herself from the door and made her way upstairs to her bedroom, smelling the roses he had given her.
CHAPTER 8
“So what took you?” Buffy asked when Giles finally arrived.
“I’m sorry I’m late, I had to drop Willow off first. Shall we get going?” he said.
“What are we doing?” she began, when she saw something that made her stop in her tracks. She walked over to him and picked a rose petal from his jacket, she looked at him questioningly.
“Ah, yes, that must have come from the flowers Willow had with her in the car,” he explained.
“Willow... our Willow?” Buffy asked incredulously.
“Yes, Miss Rosenberg,” he said.
“I wonder who gave her flowers,” the Slayer thought out-loud.
“As to your earlier question Buffy, we are here because this would make an excellent training ground for you,” he said trying to distract the teenager.
“This dump?” she asked.
“Um, yes. This dump as you call it is the best place for you. It’s deserted for starters, has been for years, I believe you’ll find it very instructional. After you,” he moved aside to let the Slayer go pass him.
“Where, or how did you find this place Giles?” Buffy asked, as she entered the warehouse.
“I do have resources Buffy. I’ve had traps designed to suit your specific fighting style, which was no easy task, let me tell you. You have exactly one hour to get through. Each time you train, the set-up will be changed. This way you won’t become accustomed to it,” he said as he walked her to the beginning of the course.
“So I get in and out without hurting myself, right?”
“Yes, that’s correct. Buffy do be careful, there are some surprises built-in, and if you’re not concentrating, it could be very dangerous.”
“Thanks for the pep talk Giles,” she said as she walked to the stairs that marked the starting point.
“If at anytime you wish to stop, let me know. I’ll be monitoring you from that room there,” he said pointing to a room set in the back of the warehouse.
“That bad huh?” she asked, “All right see you later,” Buffy said as she started climbing the stairs.
“If you’re not out in the time allowed, I’ll shut everything down, and you’ll be directed to the exit. Is that understood?” he asked her.
“I’ve got it, one hour,” she replied.
“Good luck,” he told her as he went to the monitoring room. Switching on the hidden cameras located throughout the course, he was able to keep track of Buffy’s progress.
There were times his hand hovered above the over-ride button, which would have shut the mechanisms down, each time he was about to push it, she surprised him.
“Giles... can you hear me?” Buffy asked.
“Yes, I can. Do you wish me to shut it down?” he asked her.
“No, I just wanted to see if you were there, that’s all,” she replied, as she barely managed to avoid the knife that came shooting at her. “You weren’t kidding about this being dangerous were you?”
“No, I wasn’t. I’m sorry to have to put you through this, but you must be prepared for any contingency,” he explained.
“Got it,” she said.
Buffy had managed to complete the course with time to spare. Giles was waiting for her at the exit when she finally came out. “That was excellent Buffy,” he said as he handed her a towel and a bottle of water.
“Thanks...” Buffy wiped the sweat from her face, and drank half of the bottle.
“That’s enough for tonight, we’ll do this twice a week,” he told her walking back to the monitoring room. He wanted to get the tape he’d made of the exercise to study it. “Buffy, under no circumstances are you attempt the course by yourself, is that understood?”
“Alone, very bad. I understand,” she replied.
They left the warehouse unaware that they were being photographed.
CHAPTER 9
“So, how did things go with Buffy last night?” Willow said to Giles, as he sat down next to her.
“They went very well, thank you. How are you doing?” he asked briefly placing his hand on hers.
“I had some trouble sleeping,” she replied smiling at the gesture, opening a math book she’d brought with her.
“Are you all right?” Giles asked, concerned.
“Oh, I’m fine. I kissed a handsome man last night, and let’s say sleep wasn’t one of my top priorities,” she said teasingly.
“Really. Is it anyone I know?” he asked, staring at the open section of her book.
“I think you’ve actually might have met him. He tall, very good looking, speaks with an English accent,” she told him.
“I do believe I know the person in question. I can only say that he is a very lucky chap indeed,” he said.
“Hey, don’t you two have anything else to do except being cooped up in here?” Xander asked them, carrying a package under his arm. “Here you go. That was one weird book store you sent me to Giles,” he told the librarian.
“Thank you Xander. If you’ll excuse me, I have some reading to do. Willow, I’m sure you’ll solve that math question in no time,” he said standing up and left for his office. Xander took the opportunity to take his place, and sat next to Willow.
“Wills, are you okay?” he asked his best friend.
“I’m fine, why?” she replied, closing her book.
“Well, you seem distracted these last couple of days, and I hardly ever see you. When I do, you’re always in here, come on, let’s Bronze tonight, wadda you say?”
“Xander, I’ll just be in the way of you and Cordelia,” she told him.
“Oh, Cordy won’t be there, she’s got some shindig to go to tonight, way too formal for me. So say you’ll go with me... please,” he used his infamous lost puppy dog look on her.
If it had been anyone else, she would have laughed and walked away, or at least she’d like to think she’d do that, but she couldn’t do it to her oldest friend. “Okay Xander, you’ve talked me into it...”
“Great, I’ve got something’s to do for mom, I’ll meet you there around eight?” he asked.
“Sure, eight’s fine.”
“Cool, see you later,” Xander said as he got up and left the library.
Shaking her head, Willow wondered if she would always have feelings for him. ‘How am I going to tell Giles?’ Getting up from the desk, Willow walked towards his office. Peeking in, she watched as he went through the books Xander had brought in. Smiling to herself, she stepped into the room, wondering how long it would be before he noticed her standing there. She decided to clear her throat, when it seemed like he wasn’t going to look up at all.
“Yes, can I help you?” he said without looking up from the book.
Shaking her head, Willow moved closer to him, checking behind her quickly. Taking his head in her hands, turning him to face her.
“What’s going...” he started, when she stopped the rest of the question by kissing him.
She let her hands run through his soft hair. She wanted the kiss to linger, but she released him, gasping for breath.
“On... “ he sputtered.
Laughing, Willow moved around to the front of his desk, “It was the only way I could think of to get your attention Giles,” she said.
Brushing his hair back into place with his hands, he knew he should have been very upset with her behavior. Anyone could have walked by and caught them. “Willow,” he began.
“I know, I know, bad Willow,” she said. “I wanted to let you know that I’m going with Xander to the Bronze tonight.”
For a brief moment he thought his world had come to a complete and sudden end, until he recalled the way she had kissed him just seconds before. “I think that a splendid idea Willow. What time are you going to meet Xander?” he asked.
“Around eight,” she replied, feeling disappointed that Giles really didn’t seem to mind that she went out with Xander.
“You will be careful? I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you... or Xander,” he added hastily.
Nodding her head, “Yeah, we’ll be careful,” glancing down to her wristwatch, she knew she had to hurry, if she wanted to meet Xander on time.
“Call me... please, when you get home, otherwise I shall worry myself silly,” he asked her.
“It might be late... “ she replied.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said.
“Okay. I’ll call you later, bye Giles,” Willow said.
“Goodnight. Willow, have a good time,” Giles told her as he stood up from his desk. ‘Don’t let anything happen to her,’ he thought to himself as he watched the woman he loved walk out of the library.
CHAPTER 10
Willow had to admit that she’d had a wonderful time with her oldest friend. She couldn’t believe some of the questions he had asked her, but it was Xander and nothing he said should surprised her after all these years.
It was well after midnight when Xander’s father dropped her off at home. Xander walked her to her door, making sure she had locked it before leaving. Willow saw her parents, they had asked if she had had a good time, she told them some of the questions he’d asked, Mrs. Rosenberg laughed out-loud, and Willow could hear her father muttering something like, “I don’t know about him.” She kissed them both goodnight and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.
Walking into her room and closing the door, Willow sat on her bed she stared at the flowers. ‘I still can’t believe he gave them to me,’ she sighed. They were very beautiful, the dark red petals glistening with the water she had added to them before she had gone to school that morning. She reached over for the phone, and dialed Giles telephone number while she kicked-off her shoes.
“Hello?” a male voice asked.
“Giles?” Willow responded.
“Yes. Willow is that you?”
“It’s me. I just got home a few minutes ago, are you all right? You sound different.”
“I’m fine, I fell asleep. Buffy and I were training tonight, and I believe I may have over done it,” he replied.
“Oh, Giles, I didn’t mean to wake you...”
“That’s quite all right, I did ask you to call me when you returned. How did your evening with young Mr. Harris go?” he asked her.
“It was fun, I’m glad I went. We haven’t spent that much time together, not since he and Cordelia, you know,” she said.
“Willow?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to go out tomorrow, perhaps a picnic? There is a spot that I go to, whenever I need to take a break, I think you might like it,” he asked her.
“A picnic, I’d love to go with you Giles,” she replied.
“If you’d like, you could call me by my Christian name. It seems silly to have you use my surname all the time,” he said.
“Okay, Rupert,” she said, smiling.
“Thank you.”
“Would you hold on a second?” she asked.
“Of course,” he replied. He listened as she placed the receiver down, he thought he could hear... ‘Don’t go there old man, get your mind out of the gutter.’
“I’m back,” she said.
“That’s quite all right, you didn’t take long at all. I don’t mean to pry, but may I ask you a question?”
“Shoot,” she replied.
“You weren’t perhaps... um, changing your clothes just then, were you?”
“You’ve got good ears Rupert, I didn’t have a chance before I called you,” she told him.
“Oh,” he muttered.
“Is there something wrong?” she asked, thinking she might have offended him somehow.
“No, nothing...nothing at all. It’s just that I’ll have that mental image to contend with while I’m sleeping,” he replied.
“Rupert, I had no idea,” she said.
“It’s all right. The truth of the matter is, I... I find you very attractive Willow and well, without sounding forward, this will give me something to dream about,” he told her.
“Really?” she asked, pleased for some reason.
“Yes, really,” he answered, as his mind began racing, a grin appearing on his face as he thought about the hacker standing in front of him, slowly undressing...
“Rupert?”
“Um... I’m sorry, did you say something,” he replied, shaking himself.
“No, I... I wanted say, um, I’ve thought about, well, actually, I’ve dreamt about us,” she couldn’t continue without feeling embarrassed.
“It gives me hope,” he replied.
Willow could feel a smile grow on her face.
“I should let you get some sleep. I’ll call you later, we’ll discuss the picnic then, all right?” he asked.
“Okay, talk to you later, pleasant dreams Rupert,” she said.
“Pleasant dreams Willow, goodnight,” he replied. ‘I love you,’ he added silently. He waited until she hung up before doing the same, locking his fingers behind his head, he sighed as he thought about her.
“Gosh!” Willow exclaimed. Getting into bed, she reached over and turned off the light, and let her mind wander, not surprisingly on Rupert Giles.
CHAPTER 11
Willow found herself in Rupert’s arms, as he was carrying her across the room. He pushed the door to his bedroom open, never taking his eyes off her. Walking into the bedroom, he sat down on the corner of the king sized bed.
Willow’s hand had not been idle in the brief time it took them to arrive in the room. She was busy caressing his smooth chest, feeling his muscles; she noticed how his body radiated heat, his strong and steady heartbeat skipping whenever she happened upon a sensitive area. She decided to test her theory by running her fingernails over the spot in question. ‘Oh... yeah,’ she sighed to herself, when she felt his heartbeat increase once more. Unable to keep her fingers still.
Rupert leaned forward and captured her lips with his, her arms went around his neck, keeping him firmly in place. In the back of her mind, she noticed an increase in her own body temperature. She gasped out-loud, pulling back from him, when she felt his hand move slowly from her waist, until he reached the curve of her breast.
He stilled his hand. He wanted to make sure that this is what she wanted before he continued his exploration. Willow looked at him, trying to convey with her eyes the absolute trust she had in him.
Rupert was transfixed, her beauty shone through unlike anything he had ever experienced before, or likely ever would again.
He saw Willow nod her head, giving him permission to touch, in his mind, a living work of art.
Willow’s breath increased ten fold as he fondled her gently, his hand leaving trails of fire each place he touched.
She let her hand stray down his body, mapping it, each plain, and curve. She felt him shudder when she moved closer towards his waist. He stared deeply into her eyes, Willow had reached the top of his briefs, she slid her hand lower, ever so slowly...
“NO!” the teenager shouted, as her alarm clock shattered the dream. Grabbing the offending device, she hurled it across the room, watching as it hit the wall and fell to the floor in a broken heap. “AGhhh, I don’t believe it,” she shook her head. ‘I was SO close,’ she thought as she crossed her legs, her breathing ragged.
“Willow, are you all right honey?” Mrs. Rosenberg asked through the closed door.
“Um, I’m fine mom. I was having a dream, that’s all,” she replied, embarrassed by her actions.
“Oh, I hope it wasn’t a bad one?” she said though the door.
“Mom, you can come in. It’s okay. No, it wasn’t a bad dream,” Willow said.
Mrs. Rosenberg opened the door and stepped in, sitting on the edge of Willow’s bed she looked closely at her teenage daughter, she took note of the flushed expression on her cheeks. “Well, I came in to let you know that your father and I are going out. We probably won’t be back until late this evening, will you be okay?” Mrs. Rosenberg asked, already knowing the answer.
“Sure mom, I’ll be okay. I’m going out later too,” she replied, not realizing the smile she had on her face.
‘I wonder if it’s Xander?’ Mrs. Rosenberg thought. “Well, be careful young lady, and don’t stay out too late, you know how we worry. Say hello to Xander for me,” she told her.
“Um, sure, if I see him, he’s probably out with Cordelia today,” she answered.
“Okay, bye honey,” Mrs. Rosenberg said, as she gave Willow a quick hug and kiss before getting up. She walked towards the bedroom door, only to turn around when she heard her daughter voice.
“I love you mom, have a good time, tell daddy I love him too,” she said.
“I will, we love you too sweetheart, see you later,” with that she closed her daughter’s bedroom door, and brushed away the tears that had fallen on her cheeks. She wondered to herself who on earth here daughter had been dreaming about, especially since it seemed that Xander was seeing Cordelia. Could it be the same person who gave had given Willow the roses she’d seen on the nightstand?
Sighing, Willow thought about going back to sleep, then just as quickly tossed the idea aside. She knew she had a snowball’s chance in Hell, to get back to the dream exactly where she had been so rudely interrupted. As she lay on her bed, she went back over the parts of the dream she could remember, blushing. Suddenly, she threw her blankets off and quickly went to her computer, she typed out what she recalled, as it slowly drifted from her memory.
Reading it over for the third time, the young woman knew her feelings were changing towards Giles. ‘Rupert,’ she said to herself. How far they went, was still somewhat of a mystery to her, she glanced over to the phone, wondering when he would call. Hoping it wouldn’t be while her parents were still in the house. She heard the car horn and walking to her bedroom window she watched as her father backed the car from the driveway and down the street.
Unfortunately for Willow, nature called before Rupert did, as she made a mad dash to the bathroom.
CHAPTER 12
The phone rang as she stepped out of the shower, so she rushed over to grab it, water cascading down her shoulders. “Hello?” she answered breathlessly.
“Willow, it’s me Rupert, I didn’t interrupt anything did I?” he asked, hearing her catch her breath.
“No, I was coming out of the shower. I had to run to get the phone before the answering machine did. It’s no problem. So, what time are we going to the picnic?” she asked, sitting on the edge of her bed, drying her hair.
“Um,” he cleared his throat, “What about one o’clock?” he replied. ‘Shower, she had to say shower.’
“One’s fine, where do we meet?” she asked.
“I’ll pick you up around twelve-thirty, if that’s all right?” he inquired.
“Great, that will give me some time to take of some things here first,” she replied.
“I’ll see you then,” he said.
“See you soon Rupert,” she told him as she hung up.
“I do believe I need a cold shower,” he said out-loud.
“Rupert?” Willow asked when she opened her front door.
“Yes, it’s me,” he answered.
“You look... different,” she said.
“Tweed isn’t exactly what one would wear for a picnic, don’t you agree,” he replied.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked. Willow was in a state of shock. Her mind hadn’t come to grips with how young Rupert looked, dressed the way he was. He was wearing faded blue jeans that hugged his hips, and a white long sleeved shirt that was tucked into his jeans, his hair following the dictates of the gentle breeze in the air. There was something else, something different about him. “You’re not wearing your glasses,” she said, unaware she had spoken out-loud.
Giles walked into the Rosenberg residence, replying, “No, I have contacts on today.”
Closing the door behind her, Willow brushed past Giles on her way to the living room. “Can I get you something to drink, or are we in a hurry?” she asked, over her shoulder, showing him into the living room.
“Could I have some water please?” he replied. “No, we’re not in any hurry.”
“One water coming up, why don’t you have a seat, I’ll be right back. Would you like some ice?” she said.
“Yes, thank you,” he answered, as he watched her head to the kitchen. He looked around the room it gave off a sense of comfort, in the corner, he saw a piano and wondered if Willow played.
“So where exactly is this place you’re taking me to Rupert?” Willow called out, taking the ice tray from the freezer.
“It’s about half an hour out of town,” he replied, entering the kitchen.
“AHH,” Willow cried out, dropping the tray scattering ice cubes on the floor.
“I’m terribly sorry Willow, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he stated as he bent over to help pick the cubes up. They bumped heads.
CHAPTER 13
“Ouch,” Willow said, rubbing the area where they had collided.
“Are you all right?” he asked rubbing his head. Nodding, the teenager took the ice cubes from Rupert, and tossed them into the sink. She felt his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him slowly. She gazed into his face, seeing the concern etched on it. Closing her eyes, she tilted her face towards him, anticipating what might happen.
Instead of feeling his lips on hers, her eyes flew open as she felt herself suddenly being lifted up and placed on the kitchen counter top. She was no longer looking up to him, she was in a position where he would have to look up to her.
“I love you Willow,” he divulged before he kissed her.
‘Oh,’ she thought.
The growing intensity of the kiss drove all rational thought from her head. Her arms wrapped themselves around the back of his neck without a second’s hesitation, as if she had done this countless of times, and not only in her dreams. She felt his lips part, he traced the outline of her mouth, she parted hers, Giles moaned when he felt Willow’s tongue explore his mouth.
Willow had heard the moan coming from him, and wasn’t sure whether or not she had hurt him somehow. When he moved up, his arms went to her waist, drawing her body closer to his. She knew then, the moan must have meant something good.
‘And good is good,’ she mused briefly, as she hooked her legs around his waist, trying to mold her body into his. Giles unexpectedly broke off the kiss, leaving them both breathless. “Noo... don’t stop!” shepleaded.
“Willow, we must. Lord knows I don’t want to, I don’t want to do anything you might regret later. Please tell me you understand,” he asked as he gazed into her eyes.
“I understand Rupert, I may not like it, but I understand,” she detached herself sluggishly, letting her hands drift slowly over his chest, without realizing the impact it was making on him.
“Willow, if you keep that up, I may not be able to control myself...” he told her, reveling in the pleasurable contact.
“I’m sorry,” she said, as she ceased her movements.
Shaking his head, he told her, “There is nothing to be sorry about, I love you so much Willow,” he told her, hugging her tightly, kissing the top of her head. “You could never do anything wrong.”
‘He said it again!’ she thought. “I guess we’d better get going, huh?” she asked, not wanting to break the contact with Rupert just yet.
“Yes, I believe so. Come on,” he said as he lifted her up and off the counter top. He smiled inwardly when he saw that she had some difficulty standing on her legs for a brief moment or two.
Although Willow had lived in Sunnydale her entire life, she didn’t recognize the area Rupert had been driving through. After twenty minutes or so, he turned onto a dirt road, where he drove for another five minutes before he finally stopped. Stepping out of the car, Rupert went around and opened the door for Willow.
“We’ll have to walk, it’s not very far from here. I hope you don’t mind,” he said, as he reached for the picnic basket and a blanket from the back seat.
“No, I don’t mind,” Willow replied, as she took the blanket from his hands, “I’ll carry it.”
“You don’t have to Willow, I can manage,” he said, closing the car door.
“I know that,” she replied, as she looked up to him. “I... um, I wanted to hold hands, if that’s okay?”
He smiled, “I’d like that,” Rupert said as he took her hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “Shall we continue?” Nodding her head, they walked side by side in a comfortable silence.
“It’s beautiful here Rupert,” Willow said as she looked around.
“I’d like to think so,” he replied. “I found this place quite by accident, now I come here whenever I have the chance,” he explained.
CHAPTER 14
Willow was stunned when they finally arrived. She had never seen a place this wondrous in her life. They were in a glen surrounded by trees, lush green grass swaying in the cool breeze. There was also a vast collection of flowers, and a small pond. She walked over to it, leaving Rupert to unpack the basket, and could see by the rippling surface that it was teaming with fish. Turning around, she looked over to her handsome companion, a huge grin came to her face, before she impulsively ran into his arms.
Rupert caught Willow as she launched herself, and he twirled them around before setting her down carefully. “I take that it meets with your approval?” he asked.
“Oh, Rupert, I can’t thank you enough for bringing me here,” she replied.
“I should be thanking you for coming with me,” he told her, before he kissed her.
The rest of the afternoon was a pleasurable experience for them. They ate leisurely, and spoke of her plans for the future and of his early days as a Watcher. Willow shuddered whenever she felt his mouth close on her fingers, as they occasionally fed each other.
It was well past five in the afternoon when they finally decided to pack up and head back into town, they knew better than to be out after dark. Willow took one last look around, not knowing that it would be months before she returned to this special place.
“I’ll see you in school,” Giles told her as he dropped her off.
“Okay, I really enjoyed myself today Rupert, thank you again,” she said.
“My pleasure Willow, you should go in now,” he said as he looked at the way the setting sun highlighted her hair.
“Yeah, I guess I should,” although she knew she should leave, she didn’t want the date to end, not yet.
Rupert saw her indecision, he reached over and placed his hand over hers, feeling the warmth of her skin. It was getting harder and harder for him to let go, his heart ached each time he saw her in the morning, and he longed for her each night. “Um, I should go. I’ll call you later, if that’s all right?” he asked.
“Yes, please, I’d really like that,” she replied.
“Goodbye Willow,” he said as he started the car, she backed up and watched him drive off. She stood there until she couldn’t see his car anymore. She was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness that seemed to press down upon her.
She walked into her house and checked the answering machine. Three were for her parents the other was Xander saying he would call back later. Going into the living room, Willow sat on the couch. Closing her eyes, Willow went over the entire afternoon. Smiling to herself when she recalled certain events, she looked towards the kitchen, and wondered if she would ever look at the counter top in the same way again.
BRRING... BRRRING... BRRRING...
‘The phone,’ she thought.
BRRRING...
“The phone!” she said out-loud, jumping up from the couch and racing to it before the answering machine picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey Wills.”
“Oh, hi Xander,” Willow answered, lacklusteredly.
“Hey, don’t hold back Wills, you might hurt yourself.”
“I’m sorry Xander, what’s up?” she apologized.
“Nah, it’s okay. I tried to reach you earlier.”
“I got your message, I was out with a friend. I fell asleep on the couch, otherwise I would have called you back.”
“I’m your friend Wills, let me think, ah... nope, I don’t seem to recall us being together today. Who were you with?” he asked.
“Xander, it’s none of your business who I went out with... “ Willow replied, surprised at the anger she heard in her voice, suddenly wishing she could take it back.
“Don’t take my head off, I still need it you know. I’m just asking, that’s all,” Xander said, taken aback at his friends’ reaction to the simple question.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t have reacted that way, sorry. So, what’s up?”
“I need your help with a math test on Monday, wadda say?” he asked.
“Okay, what time do you want to come over?” Willow said.
“How about tomorrow around three? I’ll bring some munchies,” he commented.
“That’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ve got to do something right now.”
“No problemo, see you tomorrow,” Xander replied as he hung up.
CHAPTER 15
‘I wonder what time it is,’ she asked herself.
It was just past nine p.m., she had slept longer than originally thought. With all she ate on the picnic, she wasn’t surprised to find that she wasn’t really hungry. Giles had called they spoke briefly before he had to get back to the project he had been working on.
She went around the house, making sure everything was locked, and secured before she going upstairs to her room. Walking into her bedroom, she went to her computer, turning on the lamp by her bed, she proceeded to type her password, bringing her up her journal she began to write.
Saturday,
Hi... it’s me,
I think I’m falling in love. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and you’d have every right to think it’s Xander... it’s not.
I don’t want to write his name down just yet.
We went on a picnic this afternoon, it was wonderful. No, it was MORE than that, it was spectacular, I hope we can go there again.
I’ve already written about the brief kisses we’ve shared [S]. It was NOTHING compared to the one this afternoon, when he came to pick me up.
It happened in the kitchen of all places.
I didn’t want it to end, but being the gentleman that he is, he stopped, but [e.g.] not before I heard him MOAN.
I made HIM moan.
After we broke apart, my hands, little devils that they are, sort of ran down his chest. He said that if I didn’t stop, he wouldn’t be able to control his actions.
The picnic would have been abandoned, and to tell the truth, I wouldn’t have minded one little bit.
I feel things, inside, kinda warm and fuzzy, whenever I’m around him...
Whenever we’re together, I can feel my self-control slipping, it’s SO hard for me to keep my hands off him. I can’t seem to help it.
I want... no desire, need to go farther than we have, the kisses are wonderful, there’s not doubt about that, nope, not a one.
But, I need more... I think about kissing him a lot... okay, MORE than a lot, basically, ALL the time... I’ve dreamt, well, I won’t say exactly what. I have to have some secrets... [E.G.]
“Bad Willow” ;^)
He’s told me he LOVES me...
ME...
Willow Rosenberg.
Not Buffy...
Not Cordelia.
Or even Miss Calandar, which surprises me. I know they’ve gone out together, I was happy he had someone to be with, but I’m GLAD he’s not dating her anymore.
Me...
But, how do I know if I love him?
I’ve only my feelings for Xander to help me, and that doesn’t or shouldn’t really count.
I’ve loved Xander for ever.
I do know that I don’t have the SAME feelings for _______ as I do Xander, they’re different somehow.
I don’t think about Xander all the time, [S], well, not all the time.
Not as much as I used to.
I can’t even remember that last time I wanted to kiss him... hmm.
I need to put all of this into perspective. It’s only been a few days.
I have to be careful, or it might blow up in my face. But... it FEELS so right.
She sighed.
Xander will always be there.
Just out of reach.
Xander...
He called earlier... I’m ashamed to say that I almost took his head off, when he asked me who I was with. I said I had been out with a friend.
He told me: “I’m your friend”.
I couldn’t believe he said that, of COURSE it’s alright for him to go out with Cordelia, no problem. It’s inconceivable to him, that I could know anyone else, that there would be someone on this earth that would consider me worthy enough to hang around with. NOT me...
Not his “Wills”...
Willow slowly released the breath she had been holding. Shaking her head, she knew she could never stay angry with him for long. Taking a cleansing breath, she looked over what she had written so far, smiling now and then.
“Okay, let’s get back to it,” she said out-loud.
Enough about Xander, he has Cordelia, they suit each other.
She rolled her eyes.
It’s not like I can be seen walking hand in hand with ________.
NOT yet.
I have to give Buffy credit I’ve often wondered how she’s able to handle her relationship with Angel. We talk... but there are just some things you can’t talk about, even to your best friends.
It must be... no, it’s hard on her at times. Never knowing if this is the day some vampire gets the better of her.
Or if Angel might die...
And talk about an age difference, he’s so much older than her. He’s older than anyone I’ve ever known, that includes Grandpa Aaron.
Oops, gotta go, sounds like mom and dad are home... talk to you later,
Willow.